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Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? When a cow laughs does milk come up its nose? How did a fool and his money GET together? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? What's another word for thesaurus? What do they use to ship styrofoam? Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon on the pan? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? |
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Your presence is a gift to the world, |
Count your blessings, not your troubles, And you'll make it through what comes along. Within you are so many answers, Understand, have courage, be strong. |
Don't put limits on yourself, Your dreams are waiting to be realized. Don't leave your important decisions to chance - Reach for your peak, your goal, and your prize. |
Nothing wastes more energy than worrying - The longer a problem is carried, the heavier it gets. Don't take things too seriously - Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets. |
Remember that a little love goes a long way - Remember that a lot goes forever. Remember that friendship is a wise investment, Life's treasures are people... together. |
Have health and hope and happiness, Take the time to wish on a star. And don't ever forget for even a day... How very special YOU are! |
| Zany Zone not O-Zone, nor School Zone, Tow-Away Zone not Speed Zone, Drop Zone or Feed Zone. |
| Ya best Zone-In not Zone-Out! No Zonies! |
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No Zone Alone, Cactus Zone, Group Zone or Calzone. No Parking Zone, Game Zone, Baby Zone, Bike Zone or Hike Zone. Not Star Zone, Car Zone or Bar Zone. |
| Not Fitness Zone, Career Zone, Twilight, Book or Map Zone. |
| Not Zodiac Zone, Psychiatric Zone, Psychogenesis Zone, or Psychotherapy Zone. |
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No War Zone, Oracle Zone, Brainless Zone, or Festival Zone Fiddle Zone Liberation Zone, Cognitive Zone, Duplicate Zone, Pumpkin Zone. |
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Not Sports Zone, or Citizen Zone, Hospital Zone, Music Zone. Twiddle Zone Democratic Zone, Republican Zone, Freedom Zone. |
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The devil wanted a place on earth, sort of a summer home A place to spend his vacation, whenever he wanted to roam. So he picked out Arizona, a place both wretched and rough Where the climate was to his liking, and the cowboys hardened and tough. He dried up the streams in the canyons, and ordered no rain to fall He dried up the lakes in the valleys, then blacked and scorched it all. Then over his barren desert, he transplanted shrubs from hell The cactus, thistle and prickly pear, the climate suited them well. Now the home was much to his liking, but animal life, he had none So he created crawling creatures, that all mankind would shun. First he made the rattlesnake, with its forked poisonous tongue Taught it to strike and rattle, and how to swallow its young. Then he made scorpions and lizards. and the ugly old horned toad He placed spiders of every description, under rocks by the side of the road. Then he ordered the sun to shine hotter, hotter and hotter still Until even the cactus wilted, and the old horned toad looked ill. Then he gazed on his earthly kingdom, as any creator would He chuckled a little up his sleeve, and admitted that it was good. Twas summer now and Satan lay, by a prickly pear to rest The sweat rolled off his swarthy brow, so he took off his coat and vest. By golly, he finally panted, I did my job too well, I'm going Back where I came from, Arizona is hotter than Hell! |
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A rare and spectacular head-on collision between two galaxies appears in this Hubble Space Telescope picture of the Cartwheel Galaxy, located 500 million light-years from Earth in the constellation Sculptor. The striking ring-like feature is a direct result of a smaller intruder galaxy -- possibly one of two objects to the right of the ring -- that careened through the core of the host galaxy. Like a rock tossed into a lake, the collision sent a ripple of energy into space, plowing gas and dust in front of it. Expanding at 200,000 mph, this cosmic tsunami leaves in its wake a firestorm of new star creation. In this 1995 image, Hubble resolved bright blue knots that are gigantic clusters of newborn stars and immense loops and bubbles blown into space by exploding stars (called supernovae) going off like a string of firecrackers. Credit: Kirk Borne (STScI), and NASA |
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Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Does 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet?
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Be sure to visit our Main Page for more web design ideas & information. I'll give ya a ride over.
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Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container? Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance? Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? Does 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? |
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Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes? Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one? When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says --"objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible? Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives? If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer? What was the best thing before sliced bread? |
| There was once an old pheasant who was chatting with a bull. The pheasant said, ''I would love to get on top of that yonder tree, but I haven't got the energy''. ''Well,'' said the bull, ''why don't you eat some of my dung? It's packed with nutrients.'' So the pheasant ate some dung and found that it gave him enough energy to get to the first branch. The next day, he ate some more and it gave him the energy to get to the next branch. This cycle continued for a week. Finally, the pheasant was at the top of the tree, whereupon he was spotted by the farmer who ran into the barn, came out with a shotgun, and shot the pheasant right out of the tree. MORAL OF THE STORY: Bullshit might take you to the top but it won't keep you there. |
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Sir Walter Scott-
from the Lady of the Lake Boon nature scattered, free and wild, Each plant or flower, the mountain's child. Here eglantine embalmed the air, Hawthorn and hazel mingled there; The primrose pale, and violet flower, Found in such cliff a narrow bower; Fox-glove and night-shade, side by side, Emblems of punishment and pride, Grouped their dark hues with every stain The weather-beaten crags retain. With boughs that quaked at every breath, Grey birch and aspen wept beneath, Aloft, the ash and warrior oak Cast anchor in the rifted rock; And, higher yet, the pine-tree hung His shattered trunk, and frequent flung, Where seemed the cliffs to meet on high, His boughs athwart the narrowed sky. Highest of all, where white peaks glanced, Where glistening streamers waved and danced. The wanderer's eye could barely view The summer heaven's delicious blue; So wondrous wild, the whole might seem The scenery of a fairy dream. |
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Does fuzzy logic tickle? Why is abbreviation such a long word? What was the best thing before sliced bread? Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission? Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards? Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC? Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"? If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with? If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away? If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? |
| No Catholic Zone, Jewish Zone, No White Zone, Afro-American Zone, Chinese Zone, Australian Zone, No Russian Zone, German Zone, Japanese Zone, or Hispanic Zone! How About An All People Zone! |
| NOUN: | A person whose words or actions provoke or are intended to provoke amusement or laughter: clown, comedian, comic, farceur, funnyman,humorist, jester, joker, jokester, quipster, wag2, wit. Informal : card. See LAUGHTER. |
| ADJECTIVE: | 1. Arousing laughter: amusing, comic, comical, droll, funny, humorous, laughable, risible.
See LAUGHTER.
2. So senseless as to be laughable: absurd, foolish, harebrained, idiotic, imbecilic, insane, lunatic ,mad, moronic, nonsensical, preposterous, silly, softheaded, tomfool, unearthly. Informal :cockeyed, crazy, loony, loopy. Slang : balmy2, dippy, dopey, jerky, sappy, wacky. See ABILITY, KNOWLEDGE. |